"Hey Dildo !" shouted a very foolish man in a Manchester bar.
Dillan 'Dildo' Doranso was ex SAS, trained in martial arts, tactics, weapons and utterly despised his nickname. He was talking to Deborah about an amazing job opportunity.
"I beg your minuscule pardon ?" said a 6'4" Dillan grabbing the man by the throat and lifting him off the floor choking.
"Put him down Dil ..." Deborah was pushed aside by another foolish man trying help his choking friend.
Deborah open her bag and pulled out a taser. She walked to the man who pushed her aside, placed it at the base of his skull and pressed the button. The man screamed and fell to the floor, twitching in agony.
"When you're ready, Dillan !!" said Deborah impatiently.
"All right, stop fucking nagging !" shouted Dillan throwing the semi-conscious man against a wall fracturing his skull. Dillan grabbed his coat.
"Oh shit, The police will be here soon so let's go ... NOW !" shouted Deborah.
They ran out of the bar, jumped into her car and sped away. The bar keeper rushed after them and got a photo of her car's registration number.
"I got Dillan but it was messy." explained Deborah into her hands-free headset. "I might need some help"
"OK, we will run some kind of interference." said the voice on the other end.
They pulled up at some traffic lights next a small open-back truck.
"Give me all your mobile phones." instructed Deborah. Dillan complied and Deborah threw them out the window into the back of the truck that was indicating to go right.
"That should keep the police entertained for a while." joked Deborah pulling away and turning left.
As she drove round the corner, she opened a special panel on the dash. There was a touch screen showing various functions. Deborah touched "Number Plate" and a list of vehicle registration numbers similar to Deborah's car appeared. She selected a number belonging to someone who had pissed her off a while back and both number plates on her car changed to match.
"Variable number plates !" said a very impressed Dillan. "How does that work ?"
"It's a variation on 3D printing. It's standard for many of our vehicles." said Deborah "You wouldn't believe the fun I've had pissing-off traffic wardens !"
"Cool, what else can this car do ?" asked Dillan.
Deborah touched "RF Scan" on the touch screen and a radar screen appeared. Dillan noticed that some blips were little pig faces.
"Those piggy faces have to be the police !" confirmed Dillan.
"Oh yes, our black-hats have a silly sense of humour. We call it the 'pig' radar !" laughed Deborah.
"How do you track them ?" asked Dillan.
"Even though their comms are encrypted, they can be tracked just like any other radio transmission. The car can sense the direction and transmission type but isn't very accurate at the moment. We even managed to crack the encryption on some of their channels." Deborah proudly announced.
"How the fuck did you do that ?" asked Dillan.
"Our black-hats brute-forced it using a super-computing cluster." Deborah informed him.
"A super what ?" said a bemused Dillan.
"I don't know all the nerdy details, " said Deborah "but the problem was so complicated that one computer just wasn't powerful enough, so they used over a 100,000. It's called a 'cluster' when you link computers together in that way." she added.
"Where the fuck did they get 100,000 computers from ?" asked Dillan, wishing he had paid more attention to his geeky brother some years back.
"They use a variety of machines, many you can rent online. Amazon Web Services, bot-nets, they even created a fake Bitcoin miner - those idiots ran our programs for weeks expecting to get paid but instead they were cracking police encryption - suckers !" said Deborah, laughing.
"Bot-nets, bitcoin ?? what the fuck is that all about ?" said Dillan slowly losing the plot.
"Oh for fucks sake, will you get into the 21st century. Bitcoin is a decentralised cyber currency. Bot-nets are computers that have hidden software running under the control of someone else." explained Deborah.
They drove on for a bit and then got onto the M1 motorway going south.
"We have even hacked into some of the police computer systems." announced Deborah.
"Learn anything interesting ?" asked Dillan.
"Oh yes, They setup a sting meant for us but we learned about it and re-directed it to one of the boss's enemies." replied Deborah.
"How the fuck did you manage that ?" asked Dillan.
"We learned that the local police were going to try to catch us by pretending to be a client. So we let them go through the process but arranged for the digital trail to lead back to some building owned by some local hoods. It was a brilliant hack !" said Deborah.
"Brilliant !" laughed Dillan, thinking he was going to enjoy working with these people.
"So, how do we get paid and how much ?" asked Dillan.
"We all get paid roughly the same, which isn't vast amounts, but we can earn bonuses for doing something outstanding. One of the black-hats got £50K for an amazing hack on the police networks, while two field-ops got £10K each for taking out an intruder." said Deborah.
"What about you ?" enquired Dillan.
"I'll get a bonus for tracking you down and recruiting you." replied Deborah.
"How much ?" asked Dillan, wondering if he wasn't being a bit cheeky.
"Mind your own business !" retorted Deborah, with a slight smile on her face " ... but I will say it was well worth the effort."
They drove for a while and Deborah said "We're here !"
She hid her phone under the seat and got out. They walked around the block to some apartments. They got into the lift and got out on floor 35. They walked out into a large room with panoramic views over the city. Dillan looked around at the occupants, a mix of men and women were sitting, chatting and drinking.
"Hey everyone, this is Dillan Doranso, DON'T call him 'Dildo' otherwise he's likely to hurt you !" explained Deborah. "Hey Claire, come and meet Dillan"
Claire was one of the black-hats and was gorgeous. As many of the men she knew were socially inept nerds, she was used to getting her way with most of them.
"Well, you don't look like much to me." sneered Claire hoping her neg would start the process of wrapping him round her little finger.
"That's an awful lot of gob for a stupid little girl." sneered Dillan right back.
"At least I'm not called 'Dildo' !" she sneered back. She turned around and started to walk away.
Dillan got up and put one hand around the back of Claire's neck, the other hand between her legs and lifted her small 5'4 frame above his head.
"Hey ! fuck off arsehole !" screamed Claire.
He walked to the pool and threw her in head first.
Deborah remembered a similar thing happening to Greg when he first arrived. "Perhaps we should have a score board" she said to Anton.
Claire surfaced and screamed "You fucking arsehole, you fucking dildo !"
Dillan grabbed her head, pushed her under for a few seconds and then let her surface.
"You fucking arse ..." screamed Claire. Dillan pushed her down and let her up again.
"You fucking ..." screamed Claire. Dillan pushed her down and let her up again.
"You ..." screamed Claire. Dillan pushed her down and let her up again.
Claire was quiet so Dillan let her get out of the pool. She ran to her room to change.
"Yes Debz, a scoreboard is a great idea, " said Anton "but I think we should have a dunkee column, a dunker column, date and time."
".. and number of expletives ? " Laughed Deborah above the cheering and clapping.
Claire came back out in dry clothes and walked to where some of the men were sitting.
"I noticed none of you came to help !" she said accusingly at some of the men she thought she had wrapped round her little finger.
"I was going to." announced Keith.
"And ... " demanded Claire.
"Dillan was doing just fine, so I got another beer instead !" said Keith. The men laughed and clinked glasses.
Claire walked off in a huff and joined two women sitting by the pool.
"I hate men." announced Claire.
"It looks like they hate you too !" said Heike.
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